Open, Shut, Open, Shut

Oh the lessons I still have to learn....When I left off yesterday I spoke of how bad of a day I was having. Well today started the same way.

 I woke up at 4:30 not being able to see out of my right eye. I must have scratched it because I have had some real nasty crap coming out of it. Yesterday it felt like I had a piece of sand or an eyelash in it. It wasn't an itch feeling just that feeling of something in it. Well this morning it was matted shut. A few weeks ago Trystin had a case of pink eye in both eyes so luckily we had some medicated eye ointment which the doctor had said we could use should any of us get it. So I used it, better to be safe then sorry.

Well than nap time game and went. Lately trying to get Trystin to take a nap is a game all with in it's self. Well today was no different. She refused to take a nap today which I really could have used seeing as I went to bed at 10:30 last night but could not fall asleep until approximately 12:30 only to wake up at 4:30.

Well than Eric woke up. I said morning than he snapped at me because it was 55 degrees outside and I had cracked the windows open to air out the house. Gee, that just sets the mood.

If you don't know me very well I am one who tends to cower away from uncomfortable situations. Now before anybody goes and judges Eric yes he does have his moods but he has never, and I mean NEVER raised his hand at me and he has never called me names like fat ass or stupid bitch or other vulgar things that some abusive men say to their significant other.

I am on that as soon as any sort of authority is shown or somebodies voice is raised I back down. It doesn't even have to be at me, hell Eric's dad raises his voice about an issue at work I freak out. I guess this is why I was diagnosed with PTSD (Post-traumatic stress disorder). A voice gets raised and I brace myself for the worst because I think I'm going to get hit like my dad used to do to me when I was younger.

Anyways, after that I just kind of kept my distance because if he wakes up in a bad mood it will just progress further and further and it will be a pointless argument about the stupidest thing and we will both say crap we didn't mean.

Needless to say I learned today that Eric and I need a code word so the other knows when they want them to just listen and not say a word. We really need to work on our communication skills big time if we want this to work out. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut and ears open and I need to learn that everything that is said is not a direct attack towards me.....