I was 14 when I began to walk off my straight and narrow way of life that my Aunts and Grandma had tried so hard to keep me on. At this time my parent we fighting nonstop and my only escape was music or my friends. I began to question authority, my parents, and most of all GOD. A lot of thing growing up had always had me going back and forth on the whole idea of him. It was one day in particular that has had me on the "No he is not real" side for over 15 years. This day is forever burned into my memory with the stabbing feelings to follow.
It was January 16th 1997. School had been cancelled that day because of snow. My parents were fighting like always so I just sat in my room listening to my favorite CD at the time...Garth Brooks The Chase. I was in the middle of Dixie Chicken when the phone rang. My friend Robin was on the other end.
The conversation started out like this....
Robin: Connie did you hear?
Me: Hear What?
Robin: Aaron Clark dies last night!
Me: Which one? The boy or the girl?
(Now let me be clear, In my graduating class there was 2 Aaron Clark's and the girl Erin was in my times a snob and I truly despised her because she hung with the "Cool Crowd". So at that time if it was her it really would not have bothered me all that much.)
Robin: The Boy, he passed away last night in his home.
Me: No it can't be, It's got to be wrong. I just walk home with him yesterday and we said our good-byes at Charlotte Street. He was fine. He was a little tired but he had Basketball practice.
Robin: I know, but I'm sure. Go check the paper.
(At this time Learning to Live Again is playing in the background)
I go and grab the newspaper from my dad and read the obituaries while still on the phone with Robin. Sure enough there in black and white ink was a picture of Aaron with his obituary to follow, Aaron M. Clark passed away in his home on January 15, 1997. He was......
By this time I am in full tears. I'm hyper ventilating and near throw up stage I'm crying so hard. My mom pries the phone from my hand and talks to Robin to see why I'm a "hysterical mess" as she put it.
My mom and dad both comes into my room and finds me rocking back and forth on the floor clutching the newspaper. She reads the obituary and hands the paper to my dad. They both try their best to comfort me someway somehow. This is when I heard for the first time "God has a reason for everything". They continued to talk and try to calm me down all to no avail. After they left my room, through tear soaked eyes I put my CD player on repeat. That night I fell asleep listening to "Learning to Live Again" over and over again.
The next day my mom kept me home from school. I carefully got dressed and prepared myself to go to his showing. My mom and dad both kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to go. I nodded my head and softly said "Yes". As we drove across town to the funeral home my time with Aaron played through my mind. I remembered our many church choir performances, our church play, school choir performances, and the biggest one of all our walk the night he died.
It wasn't a long walk but I remember him asking me how I was and me asking him how he was. He had said that he was tired but he thought it was just because he was in Basketball and a lot of other school activities and he just needed a break. We got to our split off point and said our good-byes. We said take care and we both said I'll see you tomorrow, waved to each other and then we were on our way.
We got to the funeral home and I tried to gain my composer. I couldn't believe how many people were there. This was my first time ever stepping into a funeral home. I was paralyzed with fear. I walked around the cornor and there was Aaron in his casket. He looked as if he was sleeping peacefully with his shy like childish grin among his face just like he had a few nights before.
There he laid in a pair of black slacks, a silk type like maroon shirt with a black tie. He looked like he always did except for one thing. He didn't have his glasses. Yep it was just like the seen from My Girl. I walked up to the casket and stood there trying to hold back the tears. It didn't work. My strength to fight back the tears were weaker than my knees themselves. I lost it. I told my Mom that he just didn't look right without his glasses. Just than his mom came up behind me and put her arm around me. She gave my shoulder a tight hug and said "You must be one of Aaron's short friends." I had to chuckle.
After I had finally calmed down I shared my stories of us with his mother. She once again put her arm around me and said "Just remember he is looking over us and he will be smiling forever." After that I went back to the casket, took Aaron's hand in mine and told him how much he would be missed and said my final good bye. That was the last time I ever seen my dear friend again. I was to furious with "The Almighty" that I never went to his funeral because just the showing alone had hurt to much. I didn't want to step inside the church that I was baptised and raised in to say goodbye to my friend. I so badly wanted to wake up from this horrible dream and go back to everything being alright.
The next few months was extremely rough on me. I would see Aaron everywhere, In passing cars, at the mall, and at a local pizza shop. I was late getting to my classes at school because I refused to go past his locker. I dropped out of choir and I hated walking anywhere. I pretty much just became a walking zombie.
A few weeks after his death the Advertiser-Tribune had done an article on Aaron. Apparently Aaron had a disorder called Scleroderma. Scleroderma is a chronic systemic disease characterized by hardening, vascular alterations, and auto antibodies. The disease had spread to his heart and lungs. My mom and dad had hid the article from me. I found it one day stuffed behind a bunch of soup cans. I read the article and again I cried. This time though I had a strange warm feeling run through me.
As weeks turned into months I started to function a little better. One day I was walking home from a friends house alone. I had this strange feeling rush over me. It was one of those intuitions, my mind said to look up, So I did. As I looked up I saw a car pass by with who I thought was Aaron. I said I was sorry for not coming to his funeral and that it was just to painful for me. He nodded his head, smiled and waved to me as if telling me "I understand, I'm okay. It's okay." Then he was gone.
Besides the parents I was given and the life I was born into, the death of my friend was my final straw. I still until this day question Gods existence. I just can't wrap my head around the whole idea of "Everything happens for a reason." I don't understand as to why this said person would take a person as young as 14 and just end their life right at the peak of it. Children not even born yet die within the womb.
Another sad story that makes me question The Almighty happen September 13th 2006. An old friend of mine from high school had went to her college class as she normally would. Another friend of ours offered to watch her 21 month old daughter. Long story short the 21 month old little girl is dead and a person is in jail for life because he decided to shake her. Now why in the world did god put these kind of people on earth. Why did god create people like the effin terrorist from 9/11?
I also don't understand the whole "God only gives you what you can handle." If that is the case than why at the downfall of the economy has suicide rates rose? God should have known what their breaking points were. Why did Eric's mother and my Grandmother Bright pass away at a young age before they ever got the chance to meet our beautiful children. Why is it that a passenger in a car dies because the driver was an idiot! He had a wife and kids. Why are these poor children going to be grieved with such pain at a young age?! Why was I the one given a bone disorder along with 3 beautiful children. The bone disorder just makes it hard for me to care for my children and limits my capabilities. Why do deadly hurricanes and tornadoes remove innocent children and adults from this earth?
Yes, I still until this day question "The Almighty". I am very aware you should never ask why when it comes to him. Yes I'm stubborn but I am also one who if there is any doubt and there is a way to "debunk" situations than I am just not comfortable with believing in it. Maybe it's just because so many of my prayers have been unanswered. Maybe it's because there has been more "cons" to my life than "pro" either way I'm just not getting it and I'm not going to believe in it.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
"IT"
As some of you may know I was diagnosed Bi-polar when I was 15. I still have my battles with it. This is something that I wrote months ago while going through one of my "spells". I just wanted to share it with all of you.
There's a darkness that dwells inside that only people like me can see,
It lurks within the shadows feeding on peoples misery.
It can't be gotten rid of, you just manage and learn to deal.
It will control your every whim and even land you in jail..
It will cause your worlds to collide
Take you to your maker or even the warmer side.
It block your thinking and all your common sense.
It also make you easy and even really tense.
It physically abuse you and mentally destroys.
To it, It only sees you as nothing but a toy.
Run, jump, skip and play, Enjoy it while you can.
It doesn't need an invite, don't you understand?
It thirsts for drama, drugs and more.
It'll show you no remorse.
It will stretch you out and wear you thin,
All from there within.
It dosen't care who you are or what you have to gain,
It can take you to the grave and it will keep it's fame.
Your views will be distorted, Your ego it will squash.
After all is said and done you'll wish you had mouthwash.
It causes contridictions, cover-ups and lies.
Everyone will be upset, there's just no time for goodbyes.
A padded cell, that is your doom.
Don't ever just assume.
It hasn't gone away you see,
It really is quite catty.
This "IT" consumes you family life,
It kind of feels like a knife.
The only hope to get throught it,
Is truley just admit.
This "IT" it really does exist,
Don't sit back and resist.
Go to the doctor as quickly as you can,
And you can become your biggest fan.
Learn the signs, Nows the time
Don't sit there and be a mime.
Help a friend bring "IT" to an end.
Be the one to commend.
Depression is not a game if help is not provided serious damage will cause hurtful consiquense. If you do not know the signs please contact a family doctor or health care provider. Don't let "It" win!
Monday, September 6, 2010
The blame....
How do I do things with my children when I have a 6 year old who needs eyes on him 24/7? Yes I literally me 24/7! It has now been made clear that I can't even sleep because he will sneak downstairs and rummage through Eric's brother's room and steal stuff! My son has me speechless. In the last 2 months he has peeded down a heater vent (in which I cannot for the life of me get the stain or odor out of the ceiling in the room directly under neath his), stole his cousin's Nintendo DSI 3 times, stole a key to his cousins closet door lock, and stole a crayon thingy from school!
When I was in 5th grade maybe 4th I went through a stealing phase but that soon came to an end when my dad had caught me. He threw a yellow plastic buttercup that had a dinosaur on it with a white lid filled with pennies at me. It caught me right square in the forehead before school one day. I went to school bawling my eyes out. I had a bump the size of a goose egg and a killer headache. I remember the school nurse asked me what had happen and I said "I was walking to school and a boy threw a rock at me." They gave me some ice, checked me out, ask me a series of questions and sent me on my way. After that I never stole again on purpose! But that was in the early 90's and Child abuse wasn't looked into like it is now so breaking my child's hand is out of the question.
So how do I can I get my child to quit stealing? When I started writing this my question was how do I get him to quit stealing it has now turned to who's really to blame for this? They say a child lives by examples. If that's the case why is my son stealing? I don't steal and being raised in a home with a cop Eric, Sean and Brendan do not steal either. I really want to put the blame on his father but I can't do this...or can I?
When I was in 5th grade maybe 4th I went through a stealing phase but that soon came to an end when my dad had caught me. He threw a yellow plastic buttercup that had a dinosaur on it with a white lid filled with pennies at me. It caught me right square in the forehead before school one day. I went to school bawling my eyes out. I had a bump the size of a goose egg and a killer headache. I remember the school nurse asked me what had happen and I said "I was walking to school and a boy threw a rock at me." They gave me some ice, checked me out, ask me a series of questions and sent me on my way. After that I never stole again on purpose! But that was in the early 90's and Child abuse wasn't looked into like it is now so breaking my child's hand is out of the question.
So how do I can I get my child to quit stealing? When I started writing this my question was how do I get him to quit stealing it has now turned to who's really to blame for this? They say a child lives by examples. If that's the case why is my son stealing? I don't steal and being raised in a home with a cop Eric, Sean and Brendan do not steal either. I really want to put the blame on his father but I can't do this...or can I?
The last time Dalton or Brienna had any contact with their father was over 2 and 1/2 years ago I think. I remember we had to start using a "safe house" for visitations after Dane decided he was going to walk into my house and tell me I was "Screwing the kids up by allowing the kids to call Eric "Dad"." A big ole verbal fight broke out that ended with Eric jumping up off the couch, running into the next room and threatening Dane to either leave now freely or leave in an ambulance it was his choice. After that he was no longer allowed to step foot even on our property to get the kids he would have to go to Patchworks for visitations.
What Dane refuses to see however is 1. We didn't force them to call Eric "Dad". They started doing it on their own. 2. I'm not the one who "forgot" to pick the children up for a weekend visitation. ( If you have never had to deal with the look of disappointment on the face of a 4 and 5 year old, and you have never had to try to explain to them that it's not their fault they did absolutely nothing wrong. Good because that is a pain I would not wish on even my worst enemy!) 3. I'm not the one who has been in and out of jail and prison.
Yes, I had refuse him visitation but that is because I was tipped off by my aunt Dawn that he had a warrant out for his arrest. ( It's actually kind of helpful when your aunt moves into their last known address!) I did this to protect my children because I was not about to have them watch him get arrested if he would be out with them. Dane was the worst mistake I could have ever made and I now use him as a learning tool if you may say. He wasn't always a "dirt bag" as my best friend Lorie says.( I use her words because mine are not as clean as hers!)
Our relationship wasn't always easy because his mother wouldn't butt out. We had our ups and downs, but his change became apparent when we found out that we were expecting Brienna and we got married. The night I gave birth to Brienna he cheated on me in our home. He walked out on the kids 3 days after I brought Brienna home from the hospital. She wasn't even a week old.
He'd take the kids for visitation but only when it was convenient for him or his alcoholic, drug addicted mother intervened. 2 years after he left our divorce was finalized. (Being a single mother of 2 money was rough to come by) Eric and I became a couple when I was technically still married. Brienna was 9 months old and Dalton was a few weeks away from being 1.
Eric is the one who has been helping me provide a home, clothes, food and emotional support for these children. He has been a constant in their life doing the job of the "dad" except for the 2 times Eric and I had separated very early in the relationship because I wasn't ready to let my wall down and trust quite yet. We even at one time had asked Dane to just sign off his parental rights and his response was "Being that Eric is the one who wants to adopt them I'm going to say No just to piss you off."
You see, I'm quite confident if I would go to the courts and ask for his rights to be abolished I could have it! Only problem is I'm scared to death of his mother. His mom is a good liar and she would manage to weasel her way into the situation and cause me to loose. I know this because this woman and have a very violent passed. Ever since Dane left she has called CPS (Children protective Service) on me at least twice a year since the children have been born.
The first time she called them Dalton was 9 months old and Brienna was 3 months old. She claimed I was allowing the kids to "run" around with Knives and scissors. Really!? At 9 months old Dalton could barley walk and Brienna couldn't even sit up by herself yet. This had gone on for at least the first 3 years of Eric's and I relationship. After CPS realized that I am not a harm to my children at all and I'm doing everything correctly Staci than started calling CPS on Eric.
This time the incident came Super Bowl Sunday 2007. Sean, Eric's brother had come over to our house for Super bowl fun. The kids had come back from Staci's and Dane's. As we sat down to ask them how their weekend was I noticed Dalton had a Bruise on his upper arm in the shape of finger prints. ( You know like the ones you would have if you'd grab a child) I asked him what happen and he said " Eric did it it" I knew he didn't because that bruise was not there when the kids left that Friday..( Because of passed experience with Staci I took my Aunt Dawn's advice and started taking pictures of my kids before they left and came back.)
The last time the kids had even seen Eric was Wednesday morning before he had left for work. They had stayed with my mom that night and Thursday night and didn't get home from there until about an hour before I had to have them at Patchworks. Finally Dalton told us That Staci and Dane told him to say that. Low and Behold who showed up at my door step at 8:30 Monday morning....Yep you guessed it CPS! What Staci failed to realize is that Sean was there and witnessed the whole ordeal. That is when my caseworker (the same one who had pretty much dealt with all the claims of child abuse) said this is just getting ridiculous and suggested we get an attorney involved. So Eric did!
We went to the attorney explained what was going on and a letter of intent was sent to both Dane and Staci stating that if the harassment continued legal action would take place. Well, as soon as Staci received that letter she stormed right up to my attorney's office and produced a picture of my son with a bruise and said I did it! She was convincing enough that my attorney ended up taking her side and said we should just drop the case. That was the moment I realized I would never have a chance of winning anything as long as she would become involved. I've seen her lie under oath in a court room so I knew I was absolutely screwed. Right there my self confidence plummeted and all hope was lost.
After that I had done a good job of staying clear of them, Dane ended up in jail not long after this for another B&E charge. So being that the visitations were for Dane and not Staci I refused her the right to see them.
In 2008 My best friend of 20 some years was home for a visit from Texas. We had went to a bar in Tiffin to do some catching up. I had only had 1 and 1/2 beers (I didn't even have a buzz) when one of our friends at the time came up missing. We received a text that she wanted us outside. We proceeded outside. Before we hit the door to leave Eric had stopped me and said Staci was outside. I kept going and said It's fine she doesn't have the guts to start anything outside of a bar and me being with a group of people. Boy was I wrong.
We walked passed her as if I didn't see her. She came charging at me yelling at me. I turned around and said "Leave me alone I have nothing to say to you bitch!" When I turned around she was on my feet and in my face pointing a finger at me calling me nothing but a child abuser. The next thing I know I had swung at her after repeated attempts of telling her to get out of my face. We got into a physical fight (this was my first physical fight ever in my life). The fight was between me, Staci and One of her friends who decided to take a swing at me and also call me a child abuser. The cops did get involved but no charges were pressed. I was pretty well banged up and for a while I was afraid charges would get pressed but after some time I was proud of myself!
Not because I had gotten into a fight but because for once in my life I had stood up for myself and the truth! I realized if I did go to jail I was comfortable with it because I stood up and took control of a situation. Yes I may have done it wrong but I did!!Not long after that Eric and I had moved to Findlay. The only people who knew where I had moved was my dad, aunt, and Grandma.
Everything was good until I ran into Staci's brother at Wal-mart one day. He yelled at me through out the entire store and followed me, my girlfriend, her son and Dalton out to my car. He took a picture of my license plate and said we can do this the easy way or the hard way. You can either let me take a picture of Dalton to send to my sister to let her know he is fine or I'll find out where you live by tracking down your license plate. So I let him have the picture of Dalton after I watched him erase my plate from his phone in hopes he could leave me alone and I could get home in time to get Brienna off the bus from school. Ever since then I refuse to go to wal-mart without Eric.
Dane and his family have allowed the children to witness their childish stupidity.Our divorce papers actually state that the grounds for our divorce was gross negligence on his part. They also state that at the time of the divorce proceedings that his whereabouts where unknown. In the whole 5 years Eric and I have been together he has never shown up for a divorce court hearing or a child support hearing. He spent 5 months in Mansfield prison for Breaking and Entering as well as theft.
He was released from Mansfield on a judicial release. (I'm not really sure what this is) He wasn't even out of prison for more than a week and do you think he called Patchworks to set up a visitation for his kids? Nope....instead he went to Wal-mart stole an Ipod and tried out running the cops. Low and behold he was sent to Seneca County jail. While he was in there he was charged with trafficking cocaine and a parole violation. Now here is the kicker. He didn't just sell the cocaine anywhere, he was caught selling it within a 1,000 feet of St. Wendelin High School in Fostoria, Ohio. Needless to say my 28th Birthday present from the state of Ohio was him being sentenced to 3 years in the Lake Erie Correctional Institution, which is located on the boarder of Ohio and Pennsylvania.
He is currently $26,000 behind in child support. He is ordered to pay me $150.00 a week. His last payment was June of 2008 which was his $300.00 stimulus check. I made sure to request during our divorce that I be allowed to claim the children EVERY income tax year until they turn 18 or graduate college. The request was granted! Should he ever get out of prison and actually work I will get all of his income tax until his back support is paid. Being that he still has 2 years of a 3 year sentence left to serve that is another 15,000 he will get behind. This is not including the late fees. Now with that out in the open is it fair to put the blame on Dane?
Our relationship wasn't always easy because his mother wouldn't butt out. We had our ups and downs, but his change became apparent when we found out that we were expecting Brienna and we got married. The night I gave birth to Brienna he cheated on me in our home. He walked out on the kids 3 days after I brought Brienna home from the hospital. She wasn't even a week old.
He'd take the kids for visitation but only when it was convenient for him or his alcoholic, drug addicted mother intervened. 2 years after he left our divorce was finalized. (Being a single mother of 2 money was rough to come by) Eric and I became a couple when I was technically still married. Brienna was 9 months old and Dalton was a few weeks away from being 1.
Eric is the one who has been helping me provide a home, clothes, food and emotional support for these children. He has been a constant in their life doing the job of the "dad" except for the 2 times Eric and I had separated very early in the relationship because I wasn't ready to let my wall down and trust quite yet. We even at one time had asked Dane to just sign off his parental rights and his response was "Being that Eric is the one who wants to adopt them I'm going to say No just to piss you off."
You see, I'm quite confident if I would go to the courts and ask for his rights to be abolished I could have it! Only problem is I'm scared to death of his mother. His mom is a good liar and she would manage to weasel her way into the situation and cause me to loose. I know this because this woman and have a very violent passed. Ever since Dane left she has called CPS (Children protective Service) on me at least twice a year since the children have been born.
The first time she called them Dalton was 9 months old and Brienna was 3 months old. She claimed I was allowing the kids to "run" around with Knives and scissors. Really!? At 9 months old Dalton could barley walk and Brienna couldn't even sit up by herself yet. This had gone on for at least the first 3 years of Eric's and I relationship. After CPS realized that I am not a harm to my children at all and I'm doing everything correctly Staci than started calling CPS on Eric.
This time the incident came Super Bowl Sunday 2007. Sean, Eric's brother had come over to our house for Super bowl fun. The kids had come back from Staci's and Dane's. As we sat down to ask them how their weekend was I noticed Dalton had a Bruise on his upper arm in the shape of finger prints. ( You know like the ones you would have if you'd grab a child) I asked him what happen and he said " Eric did it it" I knew he didn't because that bruise was not there when the kids left that Friday..( Because of passed experience with Staci I took my Aunt Dawn's advice and started taking pictures of my kids before they left and came back.)
The last time the kids had even seen Eric was Wednesday morning before he had left for work. They had stayed with my mom that night and Thursday night and didn't get home from there until about an hour before I had to have them at Patchworks. Finally Dalton told us That Staci and Dane told him to say that. Low and Behold who showed up at my door step at 8:30 Monday morning....Yep you guessed it CPS! What Staci failed to realize is that Sean was there and witnessed the whole ordeal. That is when my caseworker (the same one who had pretty much dealt with all the claims of child abuse) said this is just getting ridiculous and suggested we get an attorney involved. So Eric did!
We went to the attorney explained what was going on and a letter of intent was sent to both Dane and Staci stating that if the harassment continued legal action would take place. Well, as soon as Staci received that letter she stormed right up to my attorney's office and produced a picture of my son with a bruise and said I did it! She was convincing enough that my attorney ended up taking her side and said we should just drop the case. That was the moment I realized I would never have a chance of winning anything as long as she would become involved. I've seen her lie under oath in a court room so I knew I was absolutely screwed. Right there my self confidence plummeted and all hope was lost.
After that I had done a good job of staying clear of them, Dane ended up in jail not long after this for another B&E charge. So being that the visitations were for Dane and not Staci I refused her the right to see them.
In 2008 My best friend of 20 some years was home for a visit from Texas. We had went to a bar in Tiffin to do some catching up. I had only had 1 and 1/2 beers (I didn't even have a buzz) when one of our friends at the time came up missing. We received a text that she wanted us outside. We proceeded outside. Before we hit the door to leave Eric had stopped me and said Staci was outside. I kept going and said It's fine she doesn't have the guts to start anything outside of a bar and me being with a group of people. Boy was I wrong.
We walked passed her as if I didn't see her. She came charging at me yelling at me. I turned around and said "Leave me alone I have nothing to say to you bitch!" When I turned around she was on my feet and in my face pointing a finger at me calling me nothing but a child abuser. The next thing I know I had swung at her after repeated attempts of telling her to get out of my face. We got into a physical fight (this was my first physical fight ever in my life). The fight was between me, Staci and One of her friends who decided to take a swing at me and also call me a child abuser. The cops did get involved but no charges were pressed. I was pretty well banged up and for a while I was afraid charges would get pressed but after some time I was proud of myself!
Not because I had gotten into a fight but because for once in my life I had stood up for myself and the truth! I realized if I did go to jail I was comfortable with it because I stood up and took control of a situation. Yes I may have done it wrong but I did!!Not long after that Eric and I had moved to Findlay. The only people who knew where I had moved was my dad, aunt, and Grandma.
Everything was good until I ran into Staci's brother at Wal-mart one day. He yelled at me through out the entire store and followed me, my girlfriend, her son and Dalton out to my car. He took a picture of my license plate and said we can do this the easy way or the hard way. You can either let me take a picture of Dalton to send to my sister to let her know he is fine or I'll find out where you live by tracking down your license plate. So I let him have the picture of Dalton after I watched him erase my plate from his phone in hopes he could leave me alone and I could get home in time to get Brienna off the bus from school. Ever since then I refuse to go to wal-mart without Eric.
Dane and his family have allowed the children to witness their childish stupidity.Our divorce papers actually state that the grounds for our divorce was gross negligence on his part. They also state that at the time of the divorce proceedings that his whereabouts where unknown. In the whole 5 years Eric and I have been together he has never shown up for a divorce court hearing or a child support hearing. He spent 5 months in Mansfield prison for Breaking and Entering as well as theft.
He was released from Mansfield on a judicial release. (I'm not really sure what this is) He wasn't even out of prison for more than a week and do you think he called Patchworks to set up a visitation for his kids? Nope....instead he went to Wal-mart stole an Ipod and tried out running the cops. Low and behold he was sent to Seneca County jail. While he was in there he was charged with trafficking cocaine and a parole violation. Now here is the kicker. He didn't just sell the cocaine anywhere, he was caught selling it within a 1,000 feet of St. Wendelin High School in Fostoria, Ohio. Needless to say my 28th Birthday present from the state of Ohio was him being sentenced to 3 years in the Lake Erie Correctional Institution, which is located on the boarder of Ohio and Pennsylvania.
He is currently $26,000 behind in child support. He is ordered to pay me $150.00 a week. His last payment was June of 2008 which was his $300.00 stimulus check. I made sure to request during our divorce that I be allowed to claim the children EVERY income tax year until they turn 18 or graduate college. The request was granted! Should he ever get out of prison and actually work I will get all of his income tax until his back support is paid. Being that he still has 2 years of a 3 year sentence left to serve that is another 15,000 he will get behind. This is not including the late fees. Now with that out in the open is it fair to put the blame on Dane?
Dalton has already made it quite clear that he wants nothing to do with Dane. If he actually serves the full 3 year sentence Dalton will be 8 years old going on 9 when he is released. At 6 years old Dalton has down right said " Eric is my dad, not Dane. Eric has done more for us than he has." (The word came straight out of his mouth without cohering. I will say my jaw hit the floor when he said this.) Brienna however sees Eric as dad and calls him dad but still want Dane to be a part of her life, so this just goes to show that we do not "bad talk" him when they are around despite what Dane's family seems to think. If they ask me a question about him I answer it at nicely as I can muster and as simple as I can for them to understand. Other than that I really don't speak of him.
He is just a part of my past life and the only objects that matter from that era are my 2 beautiful children. I as a mother have tried so hard to keep the wool over their eyes so they can see the good in people and protect them from being hurt. I didn't want them to know about drugs and alcohol at this young of an age. I take them to the park, we have movie night with old fashion popcorn, not that microwaveable crap, and we play board games. I tuck my children into bed every night, read them bed time stories and make sure I tell them I Love You before I turn off the lights!
Now I'm not saying I'm an award winning mom. I'm far from it. I'm bi-polar so I have my moments that last a few days or even weeks. I also have anemia so that mixed with the depression makes me extremely tired at times but I make do. I try, which is more than I can say for my mother. When things get bad to where all I wanna do is scream, cry and just be secluded from the world I put my head down and ram the moments. There are hard times and I'm quite sure there will be even harder ones as I continue to grow. One thing is for sure I will NEVER turn to drugs again (yes, I had my time period where pot was my best friend but that is another story) or take my kids to a drug dealers home, leave them in the living room alone while I go "screw" the dealer for my next "fix" You will never catch me raiding my in-laws or my parents cupboards for a "good, quick, and simple" prescription pill. I may not be the perfect, but don't ever, and I mean EVER say that I'm just like my mother.
Yes, I will admit I may have her stubbornness, a little of her attitude towards things and maybe even a little of her "dizziness" but one thing is definant....I AM NOT HER NOR WILL I EVER BE!!! I was taught if you can't say anything nice do not say anything at all. I however have to let it out because holding it in has caused to much hurt and confusion. I will say if that woman ever taught me anything it's how not to act and how not to treat people or my children.
One night as we sat down for dinner we (Eric, Sean, me and the kids) got to reminiscing. See Eric and Sean lost their mother in 2001 to cancer. They grew up in two separate households as well but they had a picture perfect relationship with their mom and dad. As we talked I made the remark "I have nothing good to say about my mother." Sean not really knowing the whole story about my growing up and has never talked to Dawn asked "She kept you alive didn't she?" I laughed and said " Nope, my Aunt's and my Grandma did!" I will say if it wasn't for my dad's family I wouldn't have some of the morals as I have now and I would have been a lot worse of than what I really am now. Only god knows how I really would have turned out.
He is just a part of my past life and the only objects that matter from that era are my 2 beautiful children. I as a mother have tried so hard to keep the wool over their eyes so they can see the good in people and protect them from being hurt. I didn't want them to know about drugs and alcohol at this young of an age. I take them to the park, we have movie night with old fashion popcorn, not that microwaveable crap, and we play board games. I tuck my children into bed every night, read them bed time stories and make sure I tell them I Love You before I turn off the lights!
Now I'm not saying I'm an award winning mom. I'm far from it. I'm bi-polar so I have my moments that last a few days or even weeks. I also have anemia so that mixed with the depression makes me extremely tired at times but I make do. I try, which is more than I can say for my mother. When things get bad to where all I wanna do is scream, cry and just be secluded from the world I put my head down and ram the moments. There are hard times and I'm quite sure there will be even harder ones as I continue to grow. One thing is for sure I will NEVER turn to drugs again (yes, I had my time period where pot was my best friend but that is another story) or take my kids to a drug dealers home, leave them in the living room alone while I go "screw" the dealer for my next "fix" You will never catch me raiding my in-laws or my parents cupboards for a "good, quick, and simple" prescription pill. I may not be the perfect, but don't ever, and I mean EVER say that I'm just like my mother.
Yes, I will admit I may have her stubbornness, a little of her attitude towards things and maybe even a little of her "dizziness" but one thing is definant....I AM NOT HER NOR WILL I EVER BE!!! I was taught if you can't say anything nice do not say anything at all. I however have to let it out because holding it in has caused to much hurt and confusion. I will say if that woman ever taught me anything it's how not to act and how not to treat people or my children.
One night as we sat down for dinner we (Eric, Sean, me and the kids) got to reminiscing. See Eric and Sean lost their mother in 2001 to cancer. They grew up in two separate households as well but they had a picture perfect relationship with their mom and dad. As we talked I made the remark "I have nothing good to say about my mother." Sean not really knowing the whole story about my growing up and has never talked to Dawn asked "She kept you alive didn't she?" I laughed and said " Nope, my Aunt's and my Grandma did!" I will say if it wasn't for my dad's family I wouldn't have some of the morals as I have now and I would have been a lot worse of than what I really am now. Only god knows how I really would have turned out.
~If you enter this world knowing you are loved and you leave this world knowing the same, then everything that happens between can be dealt with. ~
Micheal Jackson 1958-2009
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