1 (breath in) 2 (hold it) 3 (let it out slowly)

Well after 3 weeks of dramatic snowfall and then thunderous rains last night our move is 75% complete. Everything that was within our old home has now since been moved to the new house. The other 25% is currently buried under still melting snow in the back yard at the old home.

Here I sit in my new home surrounded by what at one time were prized possessions to me. I currently see it as all crap at the moment! When you move it's funny how all the things you have doesn't seem like much until you have nothing set up and it sits in a box on the floor.

Let me start off by stating I'm on the verge of a serious mental breakdown. I have been unable to attend my counseling because I have been wrapped up in the moving process and now i will not be able to attend my next appointment because I have no vehicle and no babysitter.

What happen to my vehicle you ask? Well here let me show you a picture to explain....

You see we now have a huge open field next to our house. Open area means nasty blowing winds a drifts. Well because of this snow managed to fly up into my engine and coated it. This move has taken all of our money. So now I have no vehicle to even go out and look for a job like I had intended on doing. My goal of going an possibly getting my STNA has now once again come to a dead stop and it is now just a dream.

The clutter in my house also is not helping. To make matters worse we are currently in a flood warning and school has been cancelled because of the rising water in which water is already in our basement. (In a way a little piece, just a little piece is thinking yes flood lower this junk of mine)

Either way I am not happy. I have nobody to help us pay to repair my van so my car is going to have to sit where it is in the picture until some how some way it can get fixed. I can use Eric's car but only until he has to go to work. Then I'm just SOL (S*^# out of luck). I'm going to see if I can do some suggestions by myself but short of putting gas in a car and changing a radiator I'm clueless when it comes to vehicles.

All I can ask is that all those who read my blog please pray that my vehicle starts up and runs again so I can go out to find me a job. Finding a job will take a lot of stress of Eric's shoulders and we will not fight as much anymore like we have been. This also is why I'm near breakdown.

Oh God please help me!!!

The root of all evil...(The time is finally right)

Picture it....A mother strung out on drugs. She is out of her fix, she has no money and has no one to care for her child so what is she to do? She takes the child to her dealer's home with her. The child sits in the dealers living room watching TV as her mother is cheating on her father with her dealer just to get her next fix.

Again, picture this....A mother is strung out on drugs. She is out of her fix so what is she to do. She goes to her mother in laws home grabs the key that is hidden away and goes into her home. She heads for the medicine cabinet and steals whatever pill seems to satisfy her fix.

Once more picture this.....A grandmother who is damaged from her many years of drug use and is mentally unfit walks 15 miles in the dead of winter to visit her daughter and newborn grandson. While visiting she is overcome with a depressing feeling, wanders into the bathroom and begins to cut herself with an exacto knife she stole while her grandson in the very next room.

These are just a few of the hundred million examples I can give to you to describe my mother. For as long as I can remember she was always high, wasted in jail, or feeding off of everybody else's sole. She has only had 2 jobs that I can remember one she was fired from for stealing lottery tickets and the other one she was fired for swearing at a customer.

She had thrown me into a bath tub when I was little because I was throwing a huge fit because I didn't want to take a bath. She abandoned me when I was 16 to live with her boyfriend. She was wasted out of her mind when I was in the hospital at 5 when I had hip surgery. She tried committing suicide in front of me more times than I can count. In fact I remember her trying it one time and I had finally had enough and I  just looked at her and said "Give me the F***ing knife I'll F***ing do it for you!!"

She has told my kids (When I decided to give her a second chance) that they didn't have to listen to Eric and me. She had even told Eric "These are my kids and they will be raised the way I want them to be raised".  When she drop a pill on the floor she never tried to find it. Only for me to find it later. God only knows what would have happened if one of my kids would have found it. Long story short I really hate her.

Between her manipulating ways, her disregard for authority, her drug addictions and that fact that she is receiving social security disability just irks me. She can work she's just to lazy to do it and she just wants to sponge off of everybody like she did my dad and I. I have no use for her and there is nothing and I mean nothing that can change my mind on that!!!
I truly hate this waste of air and until she learns to help herself and fix herself she needs to quit spreading lies and telling me what to do!!!

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Now I feel a little better!!!

On the home front...

So my year of 2011 has started out quite hectic. Those who have followed are well aware that we are supposed to be moving. Well this has been a nightmare all in it's own. We were supposed to sign our lease the first weekend of January however we did not. You see the owners of the house wanted to actually sell it but after so long they never had received an offer so they decides they were going to just take a loss and rent it to us.

 Well when they went to the house to remove the realtor's lock box and sign they were told if they did that they were going to face some hefty fines for breaking contract. So they called us up the day of the lease signing and said it was going to have to be put off for a couples of weeks until their contract was up. Well to keep up in high spirits I did some research to see that they were not lying to us about the fines and lawsuits. Well 2 weeks went by and we didn't hear from them so we called them back. We asked if everything was still on they reassured us it was.

 Well another week and a half had passed so Eric called them to check on the progress and guess what!? They sold the house!! Here we are a month away from the time we are supposed to be out of the house and we again are without a house! However luck was on our side, we were able to find another suitable house with a little more space. So with that out of the way our anticipation grows. We hope to get the key to the new place at the end of this week when paychecks and tax returns come in!

I'm mixed with emotions with all of this. In the past 10 years of my uncontrollably insane life I have moved a total of 15 times and I for one am sick of it. Although Eric has tried his best in reassuring me this will be one of our final moves. He hopes that after a few years at the new home his credit will be built enough to where we can finally purchase our own home.